Unlocking Success: Finding and Growing A Mentorship

I admit it.

I have grown professionally on the backs of others.

Early Influences

From as far back as I can remember, I have learned very specific, impactful things from those that have gone before me.

For some of us, our first mentors are our parents or older siblings. For others, it’s another family member whom you look up to (the successful uncle or the cousin, once removed, whom you see annually at the family reunion). And others, it may be someone in your workplace or church.

Come with me, if you will, to 1988. I was a freshman at Abilene Christian University and had just started dating a very involved, fun leader whom I met in student government. He was president of his class, had more friends than you could count, was a gifted communicator, encourager, and a great friend.

On one of our nights out, he mentioned something and told me that his “mentor” had helped him with it. I had never even known of someone who had a mentor, much less gone on a date with someone who had a mentor.

Turns out, his mentor was three years older than him. His mentor had been in the same youth group in high school and had helped my date find his place in the group. His mentor had encouraged him to go on the church mission trip (where he made lots of friends). His mentor had gone on to Abilene Christian University to study business. His mentor had encouraged him to seek leadership opportunities (which was one of the reasons why my date was now Junior class president after leading his Freshman and Sophomore class in the two years preceding) And on and on and on.

The Value of Mentorship Realized

This MENTOR had changed the trajectory of my date’s life.

“My date turned out to be my husband and I’m grateful for “the Mentor” (this is what we call him - but his name is Todd Denton) and his early influence in my husband’s life.”

For, without him, we may have never met.
He may not have gone on to ACU.
He may not have studied Bible as a profession.
He may not have run for student government.
He may not have gone on to be the gifted, humble communicator leading a large church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, changing lives.

Mentors matter!

Ignorance to Insight to Expertise

In the early days of starting my business, I really didn’t think about seeking out mentorship. There were way too many things to think about. Too many issues, too many ways to grow, too many opportunities. It didn’t even cross my mind to look for someone who had already started a business to learn from.

In the Spring of 2000, in the third year of my first business, I met Dianne Davis. Dianne was an up-and-coming hotshot sitting in the position of Director of Marketing at one of our larger, well-known Tulsa hotels. I met her because I had a job selling advertising. She bought the first ad that I ever sold. Part of my strategy to get return business was to befriend the decision-makers by taking them to lunch – creating a deeper relationship. I asked and she agreed. We had a cadence of grabbing lunch once a quarter.

On one of our lunches, I was telling Dianne that my “sale” (Just Between Friends Tulsa) was coming up. She started asking about the business.  She asked great questions, probing questions that really had me thinking. One of her questions was “What are you doing about PR?”

Having not been trained in business, but elementary education, my simple and real question back was “What’s PR?”

She went on to explain to me that the news stations (there was no digital marketing at that time) didn’t just hear about you, but YOU HAD TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!

I’m sure some of you are laughing as you read this – that I didn’t know a simple business concept – but I didn’t. There was no need for me to learn that concept as an Elementary Education major.

What came out of that lunch was Dianne – explaining about how Public Relations (PR) works, offering to help me with my first press release, and GIVING me an all-access pass to her proprietary list of local media contacts (names, titles, email address and phone number).

That sale was our very first media appearance on a local news station. Dianne continued to mentor me in all things marketing and other business concepts for FREE for six years and then joined our company as an executive team member and finally as the President of the franchised brand before I sold the company in December 2022.

Without Dianne, I would not have known about PR. I would not have had the great privilege to be interviewed on Good Morning America, The Today Show, the CBS Early Show, CNN, Inside Edition and on and on and on.

I would not have known how to hire and fire.
I would not have known about the corporate budgeting process.
I would not have known that systems and processes are essential to scaling a company.
I would not have known how to run a conference.
I would not have known how to negotiate pricing.
SO MANY things I learned at the feet of Dianne Davis – it’s mind-blowing.

The Road to Mentorship

Mentors Matter!

The fact is that we don't know what we don’t know.

I know that there are many people who want a mentor, but don’t know how to go about getting a mentor.

This is my attempt to help you on your way to that end.

First step – ASK!

You may be asking how do I approach someone for mentorship? Approaching someone for mentorship requires a thoughtful and professional approach.

Here are some steps to consider:

1. Research and Identify Potential Mentors: Conduct research to identify individuals who possess the knowledge, experience, and qualities you seek in a mentor. Look for professionals who have achieved success in whatever industry you are in or the area in which you want to grow (business, marriage, family, investing, a hobby you have). Consider their expertise, track record, and compatibility with your goals and values.

2. Establish Initial Contact: Reach out to your potential mentor through a professional and respectful communication channel. This could be via email, a LinkedIn message, or a phone call. If you want a better chance at a return phone call or email, have a mutual connection make the introduction for you.
Introduce yourself briefly, express your admiration for their accomplishments, and explain that you are looking for a mentor. Be genuine and specific about what you hope to gain from the mentorship. Share why you believe they would be a valuable mentor to you.

3. Highlight Shared Interests or Connections: Find common ground or shared interests with your potential mentor. This could be related to the industry, specific projects, or personal interests. Demonstrating shared interests can help establish a connection and make your request for mentorship more compelling.

4. Request a Meeting: Politely ask for a meeting or a phone call to discuss the possibility of mentorship further. Clearly express your desire to learn from their expertise and seek their guidance in industry.

Pro tip: Specify a time frame that works for them and offer to accommodate their schedule.

I have found that the less commitment required by the possible mentor, the more apt they are to give a YES for a meeting.

I often suggest early morning meetings (before the actual workday starts) for those that are morning people.I also suggest drive times. This is when your mentor may be in the car and has time to talk and absorb the ask.

5. Be Prepared and Respectful: When you have the opportunity to meet with your potential mentor, come prepared. Research their background and work, prepare thoughtful questions, and be ready to discuss your goals, challenges, and aspirations for a mentor relationship. Show respect for their time by being punctual, attentive, and receptive to their insights and feedback.

6. Demonstrate Your Commitment: Express your commitment to learning and growing (being coachable) in the industry in which they have expertise. Highlight any steps you have taken so far to develop your skills and knowledge. Emphasize your willingness to put in the effort required for a successful mentorship and outline how you plan to make the most of their guidance.

7. Share Your Expectations: I have found that it is helpful to share my expectations with mentors in meeting frequency and how they can best help me grow. I also typically let them know that they can be “off the hook” at any time and assure them that this is not a lifetime commitment.

8. Maintain Regular Communication: If the potential mentor agrees to work with you, establish a framework for ongoing communication. Respect their availability and preferences while maintaining regular contact. Set expectations for frequency and mode of communication and be proactive in seeking advice and feedback as appropriate.

Remember, the mentorship relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual benefit. Be genuine, professional, and grateful for the mentor's time and guidance.

Keep in mind that we all live in the busyness of today. Not everyone you approach will be available, have the capacity, or be interested in a mentorship role.

Be prepared to explore multiple options and maintain a positive attitude throughout the process.

Now, go make that first ask!

Shine lesson learned: Take the time to find mentors for your life or business - it can change the trajectory of your future positively.

Shine ON!
Shannon